Defense Secretary Robert Gates has warned to to expect anything to change any time soon with regards to the military's policy on gays.  He says both he and Obama have too many other things on their plates.  It's hard to disagree with this statement.

Imagine working in a foreign country, one so different as Iran and Afganistan, putting your life in harms way, missing your loved ones, fearing for your life, and not being able to talk about who you love and miss?  Who you ache for?  And, listening to the straight people openly talk about their families, spouses, etc.  If you are from MA or CT, you may even have a married partner at home, but you can't talk about them openly or fear being kicked out of the military.....losing your job.  How do straight people allow this to happen?  Ignorance, no thought to another's pain or need.

I guess there's outright homophobia and then there's ambivalence or even complete avoidance....acting like something doesn't even exist.  I think there's a lot of this.  Whether conscious or unconscious, many people have the ability to act as if some issue, some problem, just doesn't even exist.  I really don't understand it when people can't put themselves in anothers shoes.  But, I see it happen way too often.  I guess it's fear or arrogance.  What do you think>

When Gene Robinson, gay Episciple Bishop spoke in Boston, I was most impressed with this part of his speech:

"The only story that makes any difference in the world is whether or not you can say how the living God is active in your life and what you are inspired to do because of it. So we have to find ourselves in Scripture. We have to make stories like this our own in order to make those Scriptures come alive. Now, I don't know where you find yourself in Scripture, and what stories there help you tell your story. But I'll tell you how this gay man reads Scripture. There are a couple of great stories about gay people in the Bible. Maybe you didn't know that. One of them is the Exodus story, which is the greatest coming out story in the history of the world. It is, don't laugh. Because we know what it's like to be in slavery. We know what it's like to be in bondage. We know what it's like not to be free. Because we've had the experience of someone coming and talking about a promised land, not just of milk and honey, but of freedom, and God's love and acceptance, and some of us actually believed it, and left. We left Egypt to come out."

It is obvious that Robinson feels that if God were living here on earth, gays would be allowed to marry and adopt/foster parent children.  The question is, how is God active in your life and what are you inspired to do because of God.  Many gays adopt children with significant special needs, kids that others don't seem to want.  We adopted my son Steve despite numerous existing heath challenges and potential future issues.  He is loving, caring, and gentle.  But he also tries my patience and sometimes drives me to complete frustration.  Doesn't this sound like all kids!  And all parents! 

I try and live my life as God inspires me to do.  I volunteer reading books to seniors in the local assisted living facility (right now we're reading Marley and Me). I help our town in many ways.  I am supportive to friends who are going through difficult times.  I attend church on a regular basis (although I believe this is not necessary; you can be close to God in other ways - but I like going).  I have been through some tough times.  Because of my support for others, I have been greatly supported. 

It's time for the world to internalize Robinson's underlined statement above!

Lessons Learned       
When our five year old son asked, “Mommy, what does gay mean?” my partner proudly told him about men who love men and women who love women. He listened patiently, nodding his head to show he understood her answer. And of course he did; he had two moms. We’d been waiting for this question and we were eager to answer it, so she was prepared.  After responding, she asked why he wanted to know. He said he was listening to “When Johnnie Comes Marching Home Again,” and in it they sang, “And we'll all feel gay when Johnny comes marching home.” So, my partner told him that it also means happy.     Lesson Learned: Make sure you understand the question before you give your answer, especially when educating kids about life choices.     

One year our Christmas tree was too big for the stand and the bottom of the trunk was cut at an angle so the tree kept falling over. Being two competent women, we sawed the bottom straight and stood the tree up again. When it seemed secure, we decorated it with lights and ornaments. The next day my partner and our three-year-old daughter heard the tree crash to the ground. Running to the living room, they both stopped dead in their tracks staring at it. Our daughter turned to my partner and said, “Mommy, is it time to say god damn it, now?”     Lesson Learned: Kids repeat back to you what they’ve heard from you; family life has common challenges, whether the family is gay or straight.     

About a year ago I was driving my daughter, then sixteen, to her drum lesson. She had her MP3 player with her as usual, but I suggested we could listen together, saying she could pick the radio station. While listening to her heavy metal selection, she told me about a friend who was experiencing daily epiphanies. I asked if she knew what an epiphany was and she said, “Not really.” So I told her that an epiphany is usually a sudden realization about the meaning of something and that the awareness often leads to a life changing event. I said, epiphanies are usually infrequent, so if her friend was having a lot of them maybe he was just experiencing a period of better understanding or one big epiphany broken up into several phases. I asked if she’d ever had an epiphany. To my surprise, she said she had. She told me that when her best friend was sent away to a treatment program, she realized that the life they were leading was not a good one and she needed to clean up her act.     Lesson Learned: If you want to talk with your teenager, about their most important life decisions, let them pick the music.    

While sobbing through the movie Milk, I recalled my own personal experience. I was coming out as a lesbian during the “Milk era.” It was a really scary time to be gay. I told as few people as possible; it took me years to tell my parents. On the way out of the movie a couple I’ve known for years were exiting as well; we yelled a quick hello across the parking lot. A few seconds later, their sixteen year old son, on his way to his own car, turned to me and said hello. My daughter, who is in his class, had told me he was openly gay at school. I asked if he’d just seen Milk with his parents and he said yes. Then, grinning from ear to ear, he told me they’d invited him to go with them.     Lesson Learned: All parents should support their children as they explore their sexuality.    

My partner of twenty-five years is now my ex-partner. The best results from our long term relationship are our three terrific children. There were many others too. But along the way, we realized that weren’t meant to be life-long companions. When we first met in college we were so happy to find someone else who was also gay, and who seemed interested in us, that we quickly partnered up. We never evaluated the other’s potential as a spouse, caretaker, parent, or provider. We didn’t discuss what it meant to make a marriage commitment with each other, let alone with our parents, siblings, extended relatives, friends, or clergy or religious member. We just followed our eighteen-year-old hearts. We never looked each other in the eye and promised to say together until “death do you part.” I think if we’d had to, we might not have made it to the altar. Lesson Learned: Marriage is a lifelong process and everyone should have a choice to participate in all the steps.   

Gay relationships, marriages, and families are no different than straight ones. There are positives and negatives, stresses and strains, obstacles and challenges, moves forward and backward. But as couples move towards permanent commitment, missing any steps in the process of marriage, as we did, weakens the likelihood of long-term marital success. With divorce rates hovering around fifty percent, detractors of gay marriage, including religious organizations, could really make a positive difference if they focused on educating people on the critical steps of the marriage process as opposed to trying to dictate who should or should not be allowed to marry. 

See all the letters here.  http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/20/opinion/lweb20gay.html?_r=1&emc=tnt&tntemail1=y

I was especially impressed by the second one.  Here two guys have adopted two neglected children and the government doesn't provide them the ability to give them health insurance when at least one parent is a government employee.  It's crazy, and it has to change.

The Obama administration has formally endorsed a UN statement calling for the worldwide decriminalization of homosexuality. 

Outside the U.S., some countries are more tolerant of gay lifestyles than others.  The Netherlands, Spain, Canada, and Belgium all allow gay marriage.  Uruguay, New Zealand, Denmark, Sweden, and Austria are also amongst the most supportive countries.  On the other hand, Armenia, Kenya, Tanzania, Georgia, Afghanistan, and Uganda are amongst the least accepting (all according to Jonathan Rauch of the Brookings Institution).  The debate about gay lifestyles has universal appeal in all of these markets.

"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world."
           - Helen Keller

It's finally time for Obama to take a stand and live up  to his promises.  He says he supports equality for all.  How can he possible not follow through with same-sex benefits?  Here is a NYTimes article on this. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/13/us/politics/13benefits.html?ref=us

When I ran two small business, I had our heads of HR look into providing benefits to same-sex couples.  We researched, analyzed the costs and benefits.  If you look at benefits on a percapita basis, which is the only true way to evaluate them (as part of the person's overall pay), gay people with uncovered same-sex partners are being paid less than their straight counterparts.  How can this be equal?  Doesn't look like there is any rational reason for Obama to not follow through. 

I watched, and while it was exciting, it was a bit depressing too.  Only two justices seemed ready to overturn Prop 8.  Four are needed.  One who voted for same-sex marriage before, didn't seem too inclined to go against the people.  One seemed more concerned about the 18,000 existing marriages.  The Court has 90 days to issue a ruling.  Then What?????

The day is finally here!  Today the California Supreme Court will hear three hours of arguments about whether Proposition 8 should stay on the books or be repealed.  This hearing is critical time for those against Proposition 8 to rally and make sure they are heard.  This is not just something CA residents need to do.  We all need to come together and show how upset we are about Proposition 8 and all the other states that have anti-gay marriage statutes in their state constitutions.  Write your senators and congressmen, governors and other elected officials.  Look at what the mental health advocacy people did; how easy they made it for people to speak out in support of parity for mental health as compared to other health issues.  With just a click of the mouse an e-mail could be sent.  How can we set this up for gay marriage and gay equality?

Vulnerable: Open to Attack or Damage  
When we are close I love you immensely
Your love for me feels very deep and true
We feel soft, cozy and comfortable together
Maybe we're both okay
If someone as good as the other
Loves us so much  
It's at these times I need you and want you the most
But I also feel the most vulnerable
Because I know it's going to end  
Yesterday you said
The point where our vulnerabilities intersect
Is the most challenging place
I guess it makes sense
That we are the most vulnerable
At the times
We love the most  
In these close moments
I hope we can continue loving each other
Until we're filled up And have had enough  But you pull back quickly
I'm only halfway full
Either you get satisfied
Faster than I do
Or the close moments
Make you feel uncomfortable
Too vulnerable
And you have to withdraw from me  
Then it feels like your heart
Is closed off
Sealed shut I don't know what I did wrong
All I did was love you  

Briefs are in, positions have been laid out.  This week the California Supreme Court will begin to hear arguments about whether Proposition 8 should be overturned or not.  This will impact same-sex couples already married and those who want to marry.  Should be interesting to watch.  It is amazing to me that we have to go through this.

I was at Office Depot last week having copies of my book made.  I was talking to one of the guys in the copy center...he saw the cover of my book, Preference for Love, and saw it was about gay marriage and gay life.  He said he didn't understand what the big deal was with gay marriage.  Being about 30 he told me that all his friends don't see what the deal is.  Then he pointed to his manager and told me he just got married last month.  I guess the implication was that the manager was gay but I'm wasn't sure.  Then he said, his manager would want to read my book.

I guess my point here is that whether the manager was gay or not, in a same-sex marriage or a heterosexual one, didn't matter to any of us.  Why should it matter to anyone.  People should be able to be with who they want to be with.